MAJOR REASONS WHY AFRICAN MARRIAGES FAIL TODAY

There was a time when African Marriages lasted longer compared to other region or parts of the world. Back then, marriage was considered sacred for both man and woman. However, over the years, just as we have found it easy to adopt the ways and cultures of the West, so have we blended naturally into global divorce statistics. Divorce was an Indulgence of the West.

While each region has varying rates, the divorce statistics in African communities are generally rising. According to Aljazeera, as at 2012, divorce rates in northern Nigeria were among the highest in West Africa. Although there were no definitive figures, it’s believed that one in three marriages fail within three years. This goes to show that the strict cultural standards that we Africans once held for marriage have been completely shattered.

Therefore, why has there been an increase in the divorce rate in Africa within the past recent years? Is there anything to be blamed? Yes, there is. A couple of factor I suppose.

INFIDELITY

This is one of the most common reasons for failed marriages in our society today. Most men are utterly unable to remain faithful to their spouses. The cultures and ways of life we have adopted makes it even easier for married men to hook up with ladies; social medias, newspaper publications, telecom advertisements etc. Everything surrounding us somehow encourages infidelity. And this goes both ways. Not only the men, but the women too have suddenly evolved to show that they too can be in the game. And this continues with little regard for the sacred institution of marriage or their children (if any).

SOCIETY

Marriage cannot be separated from the society. Society will always influence the marriage institution. But now, Society have made it seem like it’s a Man’s world. Yes, this has influenced the way African men thinks and act to women around them. Let’s examine a way African society has influenced men. A single young man is cooking his dinner on a Sunday evening, his parent called him and asked what he was up to. He tells them and they responded, “You ought not to be doing all of this cooking, you should get married son. Your wife should be the one responsible for all of this.” This response to the young man will stick to his head and when he gets married, he’ll use that to treat his wife. This mindset would be passed on to his friends and even his kids.

DURATION OF COURTSHIP

Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Well, how long should a couple be in a courtship before able to determine their marriage? According to Wikipedia, an average duration between first meeting and accepted proposal of marriage of 2 years and 11 months, with the women feeling ready to accept at an average of 2 years and 7 months.

Therefore, in Africa, the duration is different from the above. It is common for couples to end their courtship and get married between 9 months to 1 year and 6 months. To some Africans, this courtship length is too much as it is believed that an individual cannot get to know his/her partner fully, so they jump into marriage and later come to realise their partner aren’t the one for them.

“A hasty courtship that does not allow proper time to discern has the potential of leading into difficulties in marriage.” – CourtshipNow.

GETTING MARRIED FOR THE WRONG REASONS

This is common among the later generation. Women settle into marriages with the wrong men for fear of not getting any younger, or because their friends are all married and hence do not want to be left out in the marriage gossips, or from family pressure. On the other hand, men marry the wrong girls because she is the type of woman their mothers would want for them, or they are good in bed, or they can cook. They spend so much time and money preparing for BellaNaija-worthy wedding ceremonies and fail to prepare ahead for the marriage itself. How could it possibly work when the two individuals are incompatible when it boils down to the things that truly matter for a marriage to thrive.

DIVORCE HAS BECOME MORE SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE.

‘DIVORCE’, It was once a hush word, in fact, it was a D-Word in Africa and everywhere! but now divorce is an everyday word. It is socially acceptable everywhere in the world. Hence, no one feels ashamed or awkward getting one to release them from the “bondage” they call marriage.

GIVING UP ON MARRIAGES TOO FAST

Any flaws in a partner is now considered a deal breaker. There was a time when parents would advise their married children to hang in there and make it work. Some would even recommend marriage counsellors and book an appointment for them. Now at the slightest shadow of an issue, women/men bail without even giving it a chance.

69-year-old Oscar winner, who wed director Taylor Hackford in 1997, said that it has required a great deal of effort to remain together and provided her advice for marital harmony. She said: 'It’s hard to live with someone else, who isn’t you. They have annoying habits and so do you. A lot of people get married when they haven’t thought it through. 'But I also believe that sometimes people give up on marriage too quickly.’ She added: ‘It’s not a state of bliss and there was a time when I never wanted to be married. Now I love it. I like being part of a team and a partnership.'


Do you know other ways/factors why African Marriages tends to fail today? Let us know by commenting below.

Writer: Courage Oseghale

Photo Credit: Blackish TV show.

Other Credits: StyleRave, DailyMail, Wikipedia and CourtshipNow.